“We all have our demons beneath the roads we walk, yours’...have been waiting a long time.” Mycroft. Wendy once quoted Elder Bednar who said something along the lines of when we think we have no need of a warning that is the time we are in the greatest need of warning. These messages are both true and I should have taken the warning with more gravity than I did.
If you are reading this blog post then my divorce with Wendy has been finalized. It has been a little shy of three months now. I won’t attempt to describe the hurricane of emotion this event has caused in not only my life but of those around Wendy and I, let alone everything leading up to it. I am writing about this situation not because I want to, honestly I would rather only talk about it exclusively with friends and family as I don't know who else will read this post, but because I have felt prompted to do so. I know that people will wish to judge me or Wendy harshly for letting this situation happen. I humbly plead with those who would do so to remember the following two counsels from the Savior taken from the testimony of Matthew “For with what judgement ye judge, Ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” (Matthew 7:2) and “Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.” (Matthew 5:7). So I ask that you be merciful in judging either of us whether or not you think we deserve it. I have no intention of pointing fingers as it is not healthy nor productive to do so. I will state that I believe that the divorce came into being because of sins from both parties. In my post I will not discuss others sins, I will only discuss mine as on only those I can speak confidently. I am trying to abide by the philosophy “Let God judge between me and thee...”
The first of my sins that I will discuss is being critical. I am analytically minded and having a desire to understand things, I tend to mentally disect things. If I am in a bad mood I often resort to being critical of others and organizations. In either case I tend to be unfair and more often than not, my knowledge is usually rather incomplete. I will say that I have been guilty of doing this in a myriad of situations. With this in mind, I tend to try to offer constructive criticism or critiques whether or not others want them and this sin definitely contributed to my divorce.
Those who know me will know that I am passionate if nothing else. Because I am passionate I am not always as careful or as calculated with my words as I should be. This combined with the fact that I am analytically minded means that I can make incredibly biting remarks without much thought. If some of you know me as kind, as I hope at least some of you do, I hope you appreciate the fact that I am kind and nice intentionally rather than naturally. In high school I know my parents pointed out this fact and told me that I really needed to work on it. It is something I have had to and still consciously work on.
I took a marriage class once with Wendy and it analyzed how we tended to handle conflict. It stated that generally we have three stages. Mine are helpful, avoidance and fight. I mention this study only because I found it accurate for me personally. I found that generally if I feel like I have a point of conflict with people I tend to try and comprise or get incredibly helpful by offering them more inform about my opinion or view. If that fails then I avoid the topic or avoid going into any detail about the topic. I have termed this clamming up. I tend to do it when I am really hurting or depressed. It’s not healthy and it is something that I am working on overcoming.
I have anxiety about the future. I don’t like planning because I feel like for me personally it’s only rarely helpful. I generally don’t like thinking about the future or even setting goals as I feel like it’s often hard to achieve them. This is also something else that I am working on.
We all are lazy and I am definitely guilty of this sin too. I know that there were a few nights that I chose not to get up with the girls again because I was tired and I knew that I would need to get up for work the next day. To quote one of my favorite mantras and something I will hopefully soon have on a shirt, “Strength before weakness” I will make mine and own.
Last but certainly not least on my list is pride. I know someone will point out that this sin clearly is the foundation for the rest of them which is true. My pride has been focused on appearing good to others or being very concerned with what others think of me. I’m not talking about being considerate of others but more about being preoccupied with my “reputation” for lack of a better word. This problem has in turn led me to not be as emotionally vulnerable and get the support I needed.
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